From Control To Surrender


Always say “yes” to the present moment. What could be more futile, more insane, than to create inner resistance to what already is? What could be more insane than to oppose life itself, which is now and always now? Surrender to what is. Say “yes” to life — and see how life suddenly starts working for you rather than against you.
― Eckhart Tolle

I don’t know about you, but I like to feel in control of every aspect of my life. Some call this being a control freak, and until recently I considered myself one. This controlling nature may be attributed to when I was a child and felt I had no control over my life. I was at the whim of ‘big people.’ 

When I was pregnant with my now 11 month old; I had the worst nausea imaginable 24/7 for the first 6 months. I never once called in sick from work. However, there were times I was late. My boss is an acupuncturist and he kindly gave me treatments during the particularly bad moments. He would always say to me “surrender...if you surrender you may find that the sickness goes away.” Well, try as I might that was easier said than done. I felt like if I surrendered that I would then start vomiting all that I was holding in. 

Two months before D Day my husband and I went along to the calmbirth workshop. I have to tell you it was the best thing I ever did during my pregnancy and I cannot recommend it highly enough. Peter Jackson (the founder) also drummed into us to relax, surrender, go with the flow; our bodies know exactly what needs to be done. I wrote out my birth intentions (Peter doesn’t like the word plan as it is too rigid). The word intention implies that you can change as circumstances and to be open to all possibilities. This was my first step into surrendering. 

As my due date neared, my need for absolute control reared its unwelcome head. I wanted to know exactly when my baby would come, what sensations I would feel, basically a play by play of events. Then the moment finally arrived. I was sitting in the bath in full blown labour and I...surrendered. I went completely with the flow, with the waves of the contractions, until my beautiful little boy graced this world. I had allowed myself to naturally fall into the peaceful world of the present where there is no fear, no control, no expectations just Being.  

Since that moment, I have found that I have been surrendering to the present moment more often. I have realised that my little man keeps me very much in the present. Just like the ballet; one person moves and the other responds in perfect synchronicity. I have stopped trying to control every moment of my life. It is only when we stop trying to change everything around us with force and accept everything and everyone for whom and what they are, do we then get to step into present moment. Only then are we truly alive.  

If you are depressed you are living in the past. 
If you are anxious you are living in the future. 
If you are at peace you are living in the present.

― Laozi

From the words of wisdom of Laozi, I believe I was living in the future; anxious to make sure everything panned out how I wanted it to, needing to know exactly what would happen and when. I am now more peaceful, more relaxed and more in tune with the world around me. I am present. I surrender to the moment. 

I don't believe you can read a manual on how to surrender to the here and now. I have read the works of Eckhart Tolle, Louise Hay, Dr Wayne Dyer and Dan Millman (just to name a few). While their work has had a profound and enlightening effect on me, it wasn't until I found the will to surrender within myself that I truly understood what that word "surrender" even meant. Some will find it much easier than others to surrender, some already walk the path of the now and others still search for it. Generally, I have found when you stop trying and looking everything falls into place how and when it is meant to. 

Take a breath, take another breath. Focusing on your breathing will bring you into the present, as that is the only place it exists.

Affirmation: I completely love and accept myself and those around me. I surrender to the present moment knowing that everything is in perfect harmony. I AM.

Love and Gratitude.