I have been a bit quiet on the blog front lately, and the reason is that this month I have lost my Nan to cancer and my Grandad-in-law to a heart attack. So I have been travelling all over the countryside to support family and come to terms with these losses.
Everyone deals with grief and loss in their own way some cry and become reclusive, others busy themselves in the hopes of distracting themselves from the pain of not seeing their loved one ever again. For me personally, I prefer to face my emotions head on and release them. This doesn’t come easy for me and I’m still practicing and learning how to let go of my emotions so they don’t rule my life.
Many people think that if you don’t grieve or feel sad for most of the time once someone passes that it means you didn’t care for them. For me I’ve always felt the opposite is true. I would much rather focus on the happy memories, and accomplishments in their life; honouring them. As opposed to only focusing on the bad or the last week of their life; which can be viewed as dishonouring their memory.
Each of these people left you with gifts, the happy times and memories you shared together. So ask yourself, would they want you to focus on their passing or to celebrate their life? I realise that this can more often than not be difficult to comprehend when you’re thinking “but I’m never going to see them again.”
What I truly believe is that death is a part of life; it is inevitable. The way the Western world, views death is that you no longer exist. There are many philosophies, beliefs and opinions that death is just an illusion, and something that should not be feared. Just because our physical body has died, does not mean our Spirit or Soul no longer exists. On the contrary, we are eternal beings who never die. We just move from one lifetime to the next in different bodies, playing different characters to learn, grow and become the best, loving beings we can be. In India, when someone dies they do not mourn the passing. Rather they wear brilliantly bright colours, sing, dance and celebrate the life of the person, pushing them to a higher level for when they are reincarnated. They say that when you grieve a person you are holding them back from moving on. When I heard this it really stuck with me. When we send loving and happy thoughts to those we love that have passed we push them forward to greater love and happiness, feeling blessed that we had the opportunity to love, grow and learn from them.
When my Pop passed away last year from Leukaemia (which happened 2 weeks after my son was born). I chose to celebrate his life, I delivered his eulogy at his funeral and I honoured the amazing life he lived. When my Nan passed away this month from pancreatic cancer only 2 weeks after receiving the diagnosis, I too celebrated her life and the positive impact she had on my life. Both of them left incredible gifts and I will cherish them forever.
My Pop’s funeral was the first funeral I had ever been to, so I didn’t know what to expect. I held back tears, and cried later in private. This was a stark contrast to my Nan’s funeral for the entire day I felt HAPPY! Yes, you read correctly. Every time I tried to cry I would break out in a massive smile. Is there something wrong with me? Absolutely not! I felt my Nan’s presence right there with me that day and it was full of joy and love. Even though I would class her death as sudden and unexpected, I could not help but feel deeply blessed and grateful for all the wonderful gifts she left me.
The most important thing I have learnt is that no matter what you feel, they are your emotions and you are entitled to them. Feel them, express them (i.e. through crying) and then release them. Then keep the good memories, and honour that person’s presence in your life by focusing on the positives.
There is so much more on this subject, and I do have tools and techniques for overcoming grief and loss. However, that is for another blog post. In the meantime I leave you with this affirmation:
Affirmation: I lovingly embrace myself and (insert name of person who has passed). I choose to remember the happy feelings and memories. They have left me precious gifts and I feel deeply blesses and grateful. I send them love and myself love. They are ok and so am I.
Love and Gratitude,